A Change in the Family

From University of Toronto Chinese Christian Fellowship

Dear Lord, thank you for bringing every one of us to be here tonight. I pray that You would lead us to think over the meaning of giving thanks to you and that you would use us as witnesses of Your great love. Thank you Lord. Through Jesus Christ we pray, Amen.

Hi everyone, some of you here may or may not know me so I am going to very briefly introduce myself to you all. My name is Janice. I am studying second year Anthropology here at UofT. I was actually born in Hong Kong and when I finished my high school there, I came to Canada.

Tonight I would like to share with you God’s work in my life and my family. So here is my family: I have a younger sister who is a year younger than me. My Dad has a very tiny firm doing demolition work and my Mom is a typical housewife. So that’s pretty much about my family. Most part of my childhood was a very happy one. My Dad would spend every Sunday with us, going to ‘yum cha,’ country parks, beaches and many other places. He is one of the funniest people on earth I would say. He brought lots of joy to the family. I remember very well that one time, all of a sudden, he wrapped his head with a towel and wore a pair of huge sunglasses. Then he turned around and said, “Hi, I am from the Middle East~” Can you imagine a 40-year-old guy doing that kind of stuff? And he was a sweet father too. He used to put a family photo in his wallet and he would change it whenever we had a new family photo.

But things changed when I was about 7 years old. One night I was woken up by a conversation between Mom and my aunt. From their conversation, I knew that Dad had an affair with another woman. At that age, I didn’t really understand what that meant to Mom and to the whole family. I just remember she was crying that night. But when I noticed that Dad was always away from home on Sundays and he came home for dinner just around twice a week, I knew something had gone wrong.

Mom became more and more emotional day by day. She started to suffer from insomnia and had to rely on medication. So she has been suffering from sleeping disorder for over 10 years now. She would sometimes scold me and my sis for some really minor things. Once, my sis and I invented a new game. So imagine we are playing badminton but we substituted the badminton racquet with the wooden boards (I dunno the term for it…you know what I mean) for table tennis. That’s kind of cool I think =P But obviously Mom didn’t like our idea and thought that we were too noisy so she beat us up. Later she told us, she couldn’t control her emotions that day because she had slept too little the night before.

My sis and I of course could see those changes in the family, but we couldn’t understand or accept such an emotional Mom. We hated Dad for bringing the family all the sadness and suffering. We just didn’t know what we can do to change the situation. Then, at the age of 15, I became a Christian. At that time, I was greatly encouraged by ACTS 16:31, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved – you and your household.” So I started to pray for my family. I prayed that God will save us from this hateful situation and that He will heal the broken relationships within.

And I tried to do tiny things to make Mom and Dad happy. Like I would always write them little notes telling them how I feel and sometimes I would write them encouraging words too. This almost became the only way for me to communicate with my Dad coz when I went to bed, he was usually not at home; when I got up for school, he would be still in bed. Basically, I may have talked to him for less than half an hour every week. But writing notes is not an effective way to talk to him either coz he never wrote me back or responded to my little notes in any other way. But I am sure he had read them coz sometimes I would tell him in the note that “Hey Dad, I have bought the textbooks. They are $70! So expensive man!!!” And then the next day, I would see the $70 on my desk.

Gradually, I lost faith in what I was praying for. I saw no changes at all. I felt that my prayers and effort were not going to work. I actually began to develop the “I-don’t-care-attitude.” I thought to myself, “I did well in school. I still got my pocket money from him. I still had church, friends, Mom and sis. So it doesn’t really matter even if I have a poor relationship with Dad. I don’t need him that much.” I actually decided to leave him alone when I grew up and could live on my own.

What I was trying to do was to reduce my relationship with my Dad to a purely monetary one. The only link I had with him would be pocket money and other living expenses. I tried to push him out of my emotional understanding of what a father should be like coz I couldn’t comprehend why he would treat me and my family this way even though Mom is definitely a caring wife and mother, and my sis and I did well in school.

These questions made me experience drastic emotional changes too. I hated crying all the time because of him. That was why at one point, I decided not to drop another tear for this family. I became an indifferent daughter. I chose to understand the relationship with Dad in a very rational sense i.e. he is my biological father and he gives me money. That’s all.

Things changed again last year. Well, I think God is a really humorous God. My Dad was broke last year because he was in a huge debt. All my tuition and living expenses here in Canada are covered by a scholarship and student loan from my previous high school. So basically I didn’t even need his money anymore. It seems to me that God is challenging me to think and review my relationship with my Dad. I guess God was probably thinking, “Oh I got such an indifferent daughter here. Let me take away the monetary linkage that she always claims is the only thing between her and her Dad, and see what she will do next.”

I thought to myself, well, finally my dream has come true. I now live on my own with the scholarship and loan. I will pay back the loan myself when I finish university. I don’t need Dad anymore. But am I happy and satisfied at all? Honestly I am not. So many times I burst into tears again when I think back about my happy childhood I had. Then I discovered that I was actually trying to escape from the challenge God has given me. Not looking at the problem just doesn’t work.

Last summer when I was back in Hong Kong, I started to read a book about ways to pray for the family. The whole theme of the book is about having faith when praying. This faith will then teach you how to pray for your family unceasingly. You should believe that at the very moment you pray to God, God starts to work on what you are praying for. Praying to God is like participating in a race. Some people have their prayers answered faster and they finish the race earlier. But some others may be in a longer race with a lot of hurdles. But the point is, keep the faith and you will finish the race with the prize you deserve.

So I started praying for my family again. In the past, when I prayed for my family, I was like, “Ok, God, please guard my family.” That’s it. This time I learn to be grateful when praying. I thank God for giving me this family because it shapes me into who I am today. I thank God for the good qualities I have actually learnt from my parents and my sis. And I proclaim that no matter what, God rules in my family. He is in charge of everything. He keeps his promises and that’s why He will save my whole family. Gradually, I feel that praying for my family is no longer a burden but I can see hope through the prayers. In fact, my sister has become a Christian and God is doing a lot in her life too, but that’s a testimony to tell another time!

Last Saturday, I called back home. I was talking to Mom and then she gave the phone to Dad. I asked all the general questions that I could ask him, like “Oh how are you lately? How’s work and everything? Where do you work now?” Things like that. And after all those questions, it was just dead air. I just hate dead air so I asked him if he has anything to say to me. He said, “Study hard and take good care of yourself ok? Don’t worry too much about the family. I will take care of everything” WOW! How sweet! That answer really touches deep in my heart. For the past 10 years, this is the first time that he talked to me in such a gentle voice. And when he asked me not to worry about stuff and that he would take care of everything, I really wanted to cry coz finally he knows that I care about the family and him a LOT! And the way he spoke was so like a “man” man! Well, of course that may not be what a “man” man should be like in God’s eyes, but I could see that he changed. He was trying to take up his responsibility as a husband and father.

I understand that this is just the beginning of the race God has assigned me to run for. More changes are coming and I can’t wait to see God’s will be done in my family. Brothers and sisters, for sure there is something God wants to work on in your life. Let’s not be stubborn, but be willing to hand over to Him all our mess  He will take care of us.

Thanks and glory be to the Lord.